Bright as Yellow

I have not written in so long.


I cannot begin to tell you how long it's been. I have dealt with a lot of things as of recently. This past year has been unbelievably rough. Heartache and anxiety have taken their tole on me...but I'm still here. I still had my music but...it was still undoubtedly real what I went through. The good part was that I was so emotionally tired that it didn't hurt as much. I'm doing better than I thought I would. Even when I think that I should be angry or should ask questions, I remind myself it wouldn't have mattered in the end. I'm here now and that's enough for me to get on with my life.

It's been the Autumn season and it's been so beautiful and comforting. I want to go for a walk in this lovely weather soon. Even if it has been raining a lot, even rain is beautiful. I'll never understand why people find rain so gloomy. Then again, I'm one of those people who embrace the sad parts of life, even if I don't enjoy them, I try my best to get something out of them and learn from them. I embrace rain because I know I wouldn't be here if the water didn't trickle on the plants that live and give off the oxygen that I breathe.

I've not gotten into very much new music. Last summer I went on a whole Daft Punk phase because of their album Random Access Memories. I adore that album. The lyrics, composition...Daft Punk made my summer of 2013 the most romantic summer of my life...and each time now that I listen to them...I've noticed how each of their songs I listen to, changes my way of feeling or remembrance of a particular memory. How I need that. I need that more than words can say. That is what makes me feel alive. That is what gets me through my life.

But I did not write this new blog just to tell you about Daft Punk (which, I am still an avid fan of them now) So much can speak to you in a song, even if it's a guitar, a piano, a voice...any musical instrument can speak to you in such a strange way...and today I thought I would share this song.

I get this song in my head quite often, especially after all the emotional turmoil. I'm tired. I am beyond exhausted. And when I get physically tired, I remember this song and it has such a tired melody. Beautifully and warmly put into my heart to embrace. Like rain. Raining down on me, I can accept being tired. I'm going to be okay.

White Winter Hymnal

I think I might have written about this song a few months back. January. Now it's August (My, time has flown by.) So much has happened over these past few months and my love for Fleet Foxes has grown ever stronger. Now, along with Copeland (and Radiohead perhaps.) I have another band to grow along with. As the seasons change, the music I've come to hold dear will carry with it the same or a new, refreshed meaning to it. In January, White Winter Hymnal made me think of Winter. I think this Summer I have missed it. Now I am looking forward to the Autumn.

Earlier today I had was in a Fleet Foxes mood so I looked on youtube to listen to them while I worked. I came across this. And the memories of Copeland began to flood back. It was a bittersweet time for me then. And now...I'm going through another bittersweet moment. It's hard to say really...But part of all this, I've come to realize, I am turning 20 this year. 20. How did I make it this far? How did I become the woman I am today?

My birthday falls on October 7th. In Autumn. I am partly excited because I have missed the colder days (I always joke I'm a cold hearted person, for I much prefer colder weather.) That, and of course, my birthday (one more year till I'm legally allowed to drink.) This cover put me in a particularly Autumn-y mood. Plus...it was rainy today. and I like the rain. And the thought of wet leaves on the ground. There is a certain scent to it that I enjoy to smell. The combination of the rain and the smell of Fall. I miss it a great deal. Especially on my walks.

I won't go into further detail but I would love to see Copeland again. I want to see Fleet Foxes. I want to have a good time with my friends, family, and loved ones. I wonder if I can make some new memories like I did then.

Music Matters

I think a lot of people find a sanctuary from something in life. Whether it be painting, collecting stamps, sewing, sports, whatever it may be. But for me, the most important way that I get through things is due to music. I would be no where if it were not for music. This not only applies to The Beatles. But to many artists as well. I like how well put together this was and thought I would share it.

Music Matters - The Beatles from Lee Gingold on Vimeo.

Daydream

I live in two towns. One I hardly walk through, the other one I walk through every day. One big, the other small and comfortable. Just the way I like it on some days. I almost consider the place a desert, it's so vast and empty feeling sometimes.

In the town I work in, there is more land and sky than there is places to eat or live. I can look around, see the clouds, see across the other side, breathe the air, feel the wind...some days I can't believe I ended up in such a dead end place but then again...it's comfortable. And I can be me. That's what matters, right?

This song reminds me a lot of this town. I don't think I've ever admitted that to anyone. My friend Brittany introduced me to this song. We enjoy things most other people from our area do not enjoy. Music included. I guess this song reminds me of the place because I think of how we are what seems to be the oddities in our town. The ones who turned out differently than the rest. And on my walks I can think about my life, God, my friends and family, little things, music, anything and still consider myself comfortable with the most irksome of people in my area. I am an oddity. and most people are either in awe or irked by that. take it or leave it. This country bumpkin town has enough room for a few oddities like myself. That's why I don't consider it all bad to live in this place. 

Sometimes I wish I could just reach my hands out to the winds when I get this warm feeling about how comfortable I am with this "oddity" idea. My iPod, myself and the winds are all I need to really enjoy myself on my walks. I guess the whole point of living in small towns is to always have something to dream about. For one day. I've had so much time to think lately. I'll be back to where I was soon.

The skies are vast and my heart still yearns for more. The winds are at my back, day after day. In that, I can say I am content. 

"The most intense joy lies not in the having, but in the desiring. Delight that never fades, bliss that is eternal is only yours when what you most desire is just out of reach."

-C. S. Lewis

Drops In The River

So today is Friday and it's time for the weekend. Today was relatively easy going for me, and I have been happy most of today. Getting home and just...relaxing. It's a good feeling after a long day. I've been working, singing, going to the store, doing laundry...I feel accomplished today. And I deserve it after everything...that has happened to me.

One thing I definitely deserved was what happened to me, only a few minutes ago from writing this blog. In my last blog I mentioned I wished I could go out in the rain. Well...I did :)

Today I had made strong plans to come home and play The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass on my 3DS but that wasn't the case as it sometimes pans out. I have been watching old videos of Radiohead in all their glory, singing The Bends and a few other songs until it began to rain. I had already had my MacBook hooked up to our speakers so I had been blasting music anyways. So I decided to play another song that reminded me of the rain. But it wasn't from a video game. Yet again...Fleet Foxes. They are true artists and I have become addicted to this kind truth.

My first attempt of going outside, I found the rain to be abnormally colder than I normally find it to be. I went back inside for a moment...and then I forced myself out into by running outside and almost slipping on the pavement. The combination of the music and the sound and feeling of the rain led me to stretch my arms out and bask in the rain. 

There is no other love than the love that something like the rain can give. No other comfort like the brush of the wind against my face. No other assurance than the cold, wet stone beneath my feet. 

"Allur heimurinn óskýr

nema þú stendur"

-sigur rós

Eyes On Me

It's been a long day for me today. Now it's late. and it's raining kind off hard. But I've missed it like this. I love this rain. I've needed this rain for the longest while.

The first Final Fantasy game I ever got to play was Final Fantasy VIII (8 for those who don't know Roman Numerals very well.) Of course, with many games, I have sometimes only played them for the music. Of course, I love the gameplay but the music was a HUGE plus to me. and I truly enjoyed it. I think I played it when I was 7 or 8...

Later in my early teens, I was introduced to the internet (I love technology) and I was introduced to a piano cover of Eyes On Me from the game. and I always could hear rain in my head, as a sort of way to relax me. and it did. and I'm listening to it now while it's raining. 

I wish it were a Friday night so I could run out in the rain right now and bask in the glory of it all. 

My wind chimes are also going at it tonight 

Meadowlark

Silence is an ever bitter sound to hear, even if you are alone or with people surrounding you. Either way, there's always something there to remind you of other lives and other hearts.

I've not listened to this song quite enough but from listening to it, I have come to have a strong love for the lyrics. Beautiful and remind me of better things yet to come.

With all that has happened, this song was the first one that popped up in my head for this; a friend of mine commit suicide fairly recently. I wasn't very close to him nor did I ever know him to be the kind of person to do what he did but I can tell you he was a kind hearted man and good company to be around. Everyone loved him. I was quite shattered to hear the news of what had happened. Rest in peace Randy. I dedicate this song to you and your family. You're in a better place now.

"Meadowlark, fly your way down

I hold a cornucopia and a golden crown

For you to wear upon your fleecy down

My meadowlark, sing to me

Hummingbird, just let me dive

Inside the broken ovals of your olive eyes

I do believe you gave it your best try

My hummingbird, sing to me

My hummingbird, sing to me

Don't believe a word that I haven't heard

Little children laughing at the boys and girls

The meadowlark singing to you each and every day

The arc light on the hillside and the market in the hay"

-Fleet Foxes